I grew up in a very strict family. My family was very close to each other and we remain this way now. My Dad worked alot, but I was his pick. My Dad and I did everything together. I learned about lawnmowers and tools and things most girls didn't know. I felt special every time I was with my Dad.
When I was 12 years old, my Dad decided he needed to "find himself!" He announced this on Father's Day. I was devastated. He moved out of the house and would come to visit us on weekends. I was so angry at him for leaving us. I would stay in my room the entire time he would visit. I was very mad at him.
I later found out, he had been dating several women and now was living with one of them. I was horrified. How could he do this to my Mom and me?
After my Dad left, I started to feel stronger and more confident. I had several guys who would talk to me and ask me out. I was very shy and backwards and was afraid to talk them. What was I supposed to say to them? Some girls always know what to say, but that was not me.
I graduated high school in the top of my class. I had a huge crush on a guy I had met during the summer and wanted to go out with him badly. I worked the fair that summer and would see him at the Fair. Last night of the Fair we went back to his camper and talked for awhile. It was the first time I had actually had a long conversation with him. He was so dreamy.. (I thought for a teenage girl!) He asked if he could go back to my house that night. It was 1am and I knew my Mom would die if she saw any guys in the house. We had never been able to have guys at our house. I brought him to my house thinking my Mom would be in bed. This guy and I had a great time that night exploring each other. I felt so satisfied.
The next year I met a guy while working. I was so drawn to his sense of humor and ability to laugh at anything. I even thought he might be a little bit cute. He called me after we had talked to for awhile at work. I was so excited to get to go on a date with him. We went to the movies and to eat. He was always a gentleman.
The next year I married this guy. HUGE MISTAKE! He moved me away from all my family and friends and my job. I was devastated once again. Soon after getting married, I became pregnant and I was so thrilled. I developed many complications and found out quickly HE was not one to love on me or comfort me thru any of this. My Mom stayed with me throughout this ordeal. Eventually my baby was born. I found out how controlling my husband could be and how jealous he was. I lost my baby weight very quickly and he didn't want me to talk to any men. He didn't want me to work or go anywhere without him.
Such a huge adjustment. I needed space. I needed freedom. Shortly after all this, I was pregnant again. He was terrible in the bed, I must have just been lucky getting pregnant. He never gave me a orgasm or even made me feel special. He just cared about his needs.
My last child was young when I found out he was cheating on me. I was devastated again. How could he do this to Me and my children? Why would he do this? I had done everything for him, yet it wasn't enough. I was alone with children. Who would want me now?
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